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Welcome to the Becoming the Alpha Muslim podcast. We provide no-bs advice on self-improvement, masculinity, and men's issues for Muslim men. Check out for articles and additional resources.

Feb 27, 2017

The idea for this episode came to mind while I was listening to the Mad Mamluks - shoutout to Mahim, SIM, Sheikh Amir, and Mort.

A few weeks ago they had a psychologist on a few weeks ago, who is a relationship consultant.

The topic of dead bedrooms came up.

It was a good discussion and there was some good advice given.

However, I felt like they didn't really nail the issue.

The problem is, we tend to neglect the fact that the female has her own sexuality and sexual arousal.

We tend to think of lust and desire as something solely male, as opposed to male and female.

When that happens we look at sex a certain away.

The other thing (and it's morally a good thing) is that most religiously observant Muslims don't have sexual experience outside of marriage.

So, when we're talking about sexuality I think it's important for us to understand it as it is, and only then apply our moral framework to it.

In order to do that, I decided to invite a dating and relationship coach - Patrick Stedman.

Pat and I follow each other on Twitter and I am a reader of his blog, which is where I got the idea to have him on.

He got into relationship coaching because he had a poor track record interacting with women until he took the time to learn the skills he needed.

His work paid off - his own romantic life improved considerably and he's helped a lot of men improve their own.

He's married now, and his skill-set carries over to the relationship he has with his wife.

This is great for us because he's relatable and he understands the relationship dynamics in a marriage.

Topics Covered

  • Marriage is dating on hard mode
  • What are Frame and Frame Control?
  • Pre-selection, one of the 3 pillars of attraction
  • Married men letting themselves go
  • Transactional thinking with regard to sex
    • The two problems with transactional sex
    • Is a relationship like a car? Do you have to keep filling up the gas tank?
  • The top 3 things to understand about women when it comes to sex
    • Don't overcommunicate
    • The hypergamous nature of women
    • How to signal your desire
  • A side-discussion on business strategy
  • Lifting weights helps with Presence
  • The importance of confidence
  • Pat's #1 seduction special move
  • Using dominant body language

Show Notes 

Complete show notes are available on my website.

Read: How to re-ignite your sex life

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