Oct 6, 2017
Continuing with our theme of featuring Muslim male content
creators, my guest this episode is Youtuber Abu American
Little.
On his channel, Abu American teaches young Muslim and non-Muslim
men about masculinity, male self-improvement, and gender
dynamics.
He joins me to teach us about modern gender dynamics and how the
Muslim community is affected by it, particularly in regards to our
relationships with our wives.
Important Note
This interview will be a hard listen for most women and some men
because very few of us have heard gender-relations spoken about
this way.
While listening, you must keep in mind what we are speaking
about men and women generally, addressing the norms in our
society.
Many rulings in our religion address what is 'aadee, i.e. the
norm in a community.
Our books of fiqh deal with what is generally true. Exceptions
are dealt with on a case-by-case basis, by referring to
scholars.
With that in mind, understand that generalizations are not
universalizations.
Show Notes:
- [01:30] There is a difference between being a good
man and being good at being a man. They are not equal.
- [02:00] Abu American teaches his audience about
masculinity and gender-dynamics in modern society. His background
as a black convert in his 40s gives his the experience and
perspective to help the young men who subscribe to his
channel.
- [04:30] Asking women about how men should deal with
women is like asking fish how to be a fisherman. Women have zero
experience on relationships with women as a man. Only a man can
tell you the male perspective on deal with women, and this comes
with time and experience.
- [07:10] Solipsism and the difficulty women have with
abstract thought. Women will take a statement, no matter how
general, and interpret it only from her perspective and how she
FEELS about it, as opposed to objectively.
- [11:05] Hypergamy and female mating strategy.
Hypergamy is women’s natural instinct to pursue and secure the
commitment of the highest value men available to her. This is a
major reason why many Muslim women are in their 30s and unmarried:
they don’t marry down.
- [16:35] Men are not attracted to women’s education
and career achievement. They are attracted to youth and beauty.
Muslim should get married as early as possible. Both she and her
partner can grow in value and her husband will always be in a
higher position than her.
- [20:30] A woman who marries down or surpasses her
husband in status will start to lose respect and resent him. It is
not an active thing. It’s a passive thing in the nature of women.
Women don’t want to be leaders, they want to be led.
- [22:00] Who are the “Alphas” in the Muslim
community? Since Islam does not allow extra-marital sex and we
don’t view professional/financial success in the aspirational way
non-Muslims do, the Alphas are the preachers and people of
knowledge. These are the men Muslim women lust after.
- [24:05] Muslimah fangirls/groupies are OK with
chasing after and getting a preacher’s romantic attention, even if
it violates Islam, until they find out he’s also doing the same
with other fangirls. What makes you so special, shorty?
- [26:40] Build it and they will come. The more you
build yourself up as a man - socially, physically, professionally,
financially - the more women will want you. And it’s going to be
difficult that temptation, but you must.
- [27:10] There has been a generational decline of
testosterone and sperm counts in men in the West.
- [28:10] Muslim marriage websites and apps: low-value
women have developed an inflated sense of worth and unrealistic
expectations of what kind of men they can get as a husband. This is
due to Gynocentrism, a sociocultural phenomenon which exclusively
focuses on the views, needs, and concerns of women. It pervades,
politics, religion, media, and popular culture.
- [32:20] Statistics show women are at an all-time
high for being unhappy.
- [34:00] Muslim preachers and public figures in the
West constantly put Muslim women on a pedestal and pander to them.
We are mirroring the Christian church in their being hijacked by
the Feminine Imperative.
- [34:40] Increasing public statements by Muslim
public figures, male and female, trying to brow-beat Muslim men who
have never been married before into marrying older women (30+),
divorcees, widows, etc. Female fertility falls off a cliff at 27
years old if she has not had a prior successful pregnancy.
- [37:10] From a practical stance, women with children
should be taken on as co-wives, or if the husband is himself
divorced or widowed. Women carry a lot of emotional baggage from
previous relationships. The more prior sexual partners she has had,
the greater the chance she will separate from her current
partner.
- [40:00] What is a woman doing when she does or says
something to deliberately disrespect you, just to see how you will
react? Explaining the fitness test / congruence test / s*** test.
Men should understand this is an expression of sexual interest in
the man she is testing.
- [43:10] “Not all women are like that! Why are you
making such broad-brush statements about women?”
- [44:30] A lot of men are ego-invested in their
fantasy of what women are and how they perceive female virtue. When
you disrupt this with a different model, it is jarring to their
identity and worldview, and they lash out.
- [45:30] Men are the true romantics. Women are
relationship pragmatists. You are never going to be loved by a
woman for who you are. You will only be loved because of what you
can do for her now.
- [47:30] Coconut Knights: Muslim white knights. Some
of the most prominent white knights in the Muslim community are in
their 30s and single. Muslim women will cheer them on but will
never marry them because they are not looking for a woman with a
penis as a husband.
- [48:30] Just like women don’t like feminine men, men
don’t like masculine women. They want feminine, soft, gentle,
caring women.
- [50:00] Psycho-simps: when a beta-male, so invested
in his idea of acceptance and romantic attention from women, gets
rejected by the woman he desires, he snaps and becomes
violent.
- [51:15] DO NOT have a scarcity mindset with regard
to women, even your own wife.
- [52:00] Are there no more traditional women left?
There are, but they mostly exist in the East, not in the West. The
way to get a Western woman to be traditional is to build yourself
up into a high-value man, because 80% of the women want the top 20%
of men. You do this by learning Game (only for the purpose of
establishing and maintaining an Islamic marriage), physical
improvement, and financial improvement.
- [53:20] Women are straight-up gangster when dealing
with men. Machiavellian and ruthless.
- [53:40] If you become a high-value man, women will
do what it takes to secure your commitment in a relationship,
including behaving in a traditional way.
- [54:00] The Game never ends. Before marriage, you
must build attraction. After marriage, you must build desire. The
reality is your women-folk, if they are on social media, receive
countless offers and solicitations from men. You can never become
complacent. Women WANT you to be good at seduction and romance.
They want you to use Game on them.
- [56:30] Using exceptions to negate what is generally
true. Women’s casual disrespect of the Prophet when they bring up
his marriage to Khadijah. There are two false premises here. The
first is the claim she was 40 when she married him, while it is
more authentically narrated she was 28. The second is the claim he
was her employee when in fact it was a partnership; she provided
the financing while he handled operations.
- [59:30] “A woman’s first directive is to defend her
sex’s imperatives even before consideration of religious
conviction, marriage vows, or espoused personal ideology.” - Rollo
Tomassi, the Rational Male
- [1:00:10] Distorting the religion to fit their
needs. Muslim women cheering events in Algeria, allowing Muslim
women to marry non-Muslim men.
- [1:01:30] Competition anxiety. Nothing is more
attractive to a woman than a man other women want. Muslim men can
use competition anxiety to improve their marital relationships by
taking co-wives. Women don’t really have a problem with polygyny
and sharing their man. If they do have a problem with you taking
co-wives, you’re not really the man she wants, you’re the man she
could get.
- [1:02:30] The onus is on men to build ourselves up
and improve ourselves up until we have command over our
relationships with our wives. Problems in your marriage usually
stem from you not fulfilling your role as a leader.
- [1:04:30] Women view weakness with contempt. The lie
we are told is women want a man who is in touch with his emotions,
who isn’t afraid to cry etc., when in fact that’s not what she
wants at all.
- [1:05:10] “In reality no matter how much a woman
appears to have her s*** together, she is only rejection, one
personal slight, one flat tire away from a hysterical episode.
Despite what feminists would have us believe, women really cannot
survive without the support of men. This is why women will forgive
men for anything except weakness, because a weak man is to a woman
what one drowning person is to another drowning person. At best
useless, at worst dangerous. Women are hard-wired not only to avoid
weak men but to ruthlessly be hostile towards them.” - Rollo
Tomassi, the Rational Male
- [1:06:08] When your woman tells you she wants you to
be more open and emotional, that’s a fitness test. She’s probing
for weakness.
- [1:06:50] “I was filled with disgust and revulsion
when looking at him”
- [1:07:30] Isn’t this entire discussion misogynistic
and anti-Islamic? No. We love our wives and daughters, and want the
best for them. Examples: all the ayahs and hadiths about the rights
of the husband over the wife, gender dynamics, etc.
- [1:12:00] Please subscribe to Abu American’s Youtube
channel and hit the “bell” to receive notifications when he
publishes new content.
Full show notes
are available on my website:
http://becomingthealphamuslim.com/abu-american-little